Alcohol thins my blood
Dark and thick, from torment
As the sweet steel
Finally eases the pain
And frees the heartache that has been flowing
Through my veins
For years
I asked for help
Because I knew I needed it
And was passed off, as another “Emo Fag”
I made excuses, and found reasons
Even when they clearly weren’t there
I had taped, and stapled, and sewn my hear back together
So many times
But it never worked the same, it never felt the same
And the scars were always visible
I never wanted it to come to this
But I exhausted every other outlet
I was fucked from the beginning
And now I am just one less burden, on the world
All I wanted to do, was help people
To show people, their true potential
And to let them know, that it isn’t always as bad as it seems
In the end, I was the one who needed the help
Now, my thoughts are cloaked in a dark veil of depression
And I'm seeing through death colored glasses
And I’m finally realizing, that it is always
As bad as it seems
I didn’t need another reason to kill myself
I just wanted one, needed one, begged for one
Not to
And all I found were more problems I didn’t have the answers to
More hearts shattered in my wake
And more lives ripped apart by my own selfishness and stubbornness
Think of me as a coward
For taking the easy way out
But isn’t like I didn’t try
Maybe now I will meet this “God” everyone has been raving about
And finally get the chance to ask him…
If you are so full of love, how can you allow us to live in such misery?
I never missed the conversations, never missed being included
Never missed the striving to be the best I could
Never missed the love, or hope, or faith, or anything to do with life
I was there for all of that
I just missed the point….
Goodbye, cruel world