F2cklife

Alcohol thins my blood Dark and thick, from torment As the sweet steel Finally eases the pain And frees the heartache that has been flowing Through my veins For years I asked for help Because I knew I needed it And was passed off, as another “Emo Fag” I made excuses, and found reasons Even when they clearly weren’t there I had taped, and stapled, and sewn my hear back together So many times But it never worked the same, it never felt the same And the scars were always visible I never wanted it to come to this But I exhausted every other outlet I was fucked from the beginning And now I am just one less burden,

You told me It would be better It would work out It was going to be ok I lied to myself, when i believed you You promised me the hurt would stop I would see the sun again I would be among friends Among love I lied to myself, when i believed you You convinced me The stage of hurt in my life was over I could begin a new , better, life I could finally break free from everything that was holding me back I lied to myself, when i believed it You said you didnt want to become another thing i had to survive You didnt want to be Just another thing in my past, i had to forget Another person, that i had to move on from You lied to

I'm sorry I'm sorry that i couldn't be what you wanted me to be Who you wanted me to be When you wanted me to be him I'm sorry That i couldn't care in the right way Understand In the , Right way Feel my emotions In the Right way I guess i was just too inconsiderate... to realize i was wrong a little too ungreatfull by not taking your views and using them as my own After all, you are the one who has been through it all before... I'm sorry I ever let my heart Convince me, that you were the right reason Or let it convince me That we... had made a bad decision I'm sorry That i ever let my mind Leave a space for, "we" N

Forget the hatred and the lost trust the Promises you made and dreams you crushed the shattered lives you have left behind you cant rewind youll never find a happy thought or a smiling face when ur name comes up within this place But never forget the times we had the feelings we shared the good, not the bad Did i love you too much? Did i care , too much? Did i give too much attention, to much effort, motivation? Did i sacrifice enough? Time, Money, gratificaton? Did i make you laugh enough? Hold you hand enough? Dry your tears, cope with your fears, Stand by you through the years, enough? Never forget how happy you

You have said goodbye a thousand times now and hello, a thousand times more when is goodbye really goodbye You moved on but i never had the luxury Youve had others i never had the time busy stitching the wounds that you cut open rebuilding the walls you never thought twice about knocking down redoing the knots to which you undid so carelessly youve said you were sorry and repeated your mistakes ive tried to make amends and all you try to do is make the bed you go back to your life and i go back to what is left of mine you go back to them and i come back to half of what i used to be I step out to where the bright lights

i wake up next to him every morning look him in the eye and smile i brush my fingers through his hair and stray from his morning breath and i wonder why its him and not you We go for walks hand in hand laugh and tell stories hang with our friends drink together on the weekends and on cold nights, we even stay in and all the while i wonder why it is him i feel for him half of what i felt for you and he gives me twice of what i got from you yet my happiness is no wher near where it shwas with you and i cant help but wonder why is it him when it should have been you

Ive made you laugh and seen you cry you came to me before i died i barely know you so tell me please why do i feel this way A perfect stranger that stands before me an enigma wrapped in a familar face that brightens my nights and shadows my days warms my thoughts with glistening rays of ecstatic confusion blissfull delusion extraordinary reason with no meaning i barely know you so tell me please why do i feel this way

You promised me the world then you took it away you dangled a life far better than mine in front of my face... Then shot it down like it was never there to begin with You promised me love like no other that lasts forever Then you ended it And with it, you ended me You promised me happiness and that i would never worry again or question anything you promised me you would never leave ... you lied

Who needs redemption when you have all of these feelings emotions thoughts... bottled in your head Driving you to do that in which you know you shouldnt but you feel is the only way out who needs belief in a lie passed on from generation to generation that everything works out for the best in the end who needs to believe in something else when everything.... you have ever known, and ever will know is already right there in that void that is left when your life is taken from you The only thing you need is faith in the fact that it doesnt get better it doesnt work itself out he wont come back he never planned on it

my thoughts tangled in a web of heartache and suicide my soul mangled into an unrecognizable tragedy slowly decaying under the pressure that I have put on myself my heart a distant memory never to beat again never to feel again my life slipping further and further into a bottomless pit filled with lies, broken promises overbearing... Memories the light at the end of the tunnel the one that shines so bright to guide me out... well you... have just turned it off.....